like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
