How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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