So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
