I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
