Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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