Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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