69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
