i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
