I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
