I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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