You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
