I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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