I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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