Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
