she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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