I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
