I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
