Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
