If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
