I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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