So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
