his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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