We won't sleep together?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
