omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
