If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize