omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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