I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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