I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize