i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
