Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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