Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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