i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
