So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
