problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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