Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
