All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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