I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize