Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
