im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
