You're completely useless in the revolution.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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