Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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