Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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