i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
