Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
