I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
