I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
tell me about the fingering
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