I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
