i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
