Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
