that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
