I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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