Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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