Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
