I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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