yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
