Life is so much better after having sex.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
