R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just tell him i said nine months
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
