Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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