First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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