Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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