i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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