i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
