I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
