I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
