please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize