before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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